Who Am I?

So as the main readers of this blog will know, at the beginning of July I was in Perth for an awesome wedding. I was not only lucky enough to be in the bridal party, but to be the Matron of Honour and man did I feel honoured...it was great! As part of my speech I thought it was really important to thank the bride, the lovely Jess, for helping to make me feel comfortable being me and not having to hide the true depths of my geek/nerdiness when I am around her. By default this is also true of Tim, as Tim and Jess are the most awesome kinds of geeks/nerds that I know. The only other people who get to see my real geek/nerdiness is Liz and of course Steve. So this post is homage to the real Sarah, who loves musicals, sci-fi, fan fiction, memorabilia, fantasy stuff etc.

Who am I? No, I’m not Jean Valjean, but hey if you get the reference...awesome! Musicals seem to be one of those things that have come about a bit more in recent times where your everyday movie stars are singing and usually dancing in either a remake or adaptation of a musical story. The two most recent ones that come to mind are The Phantom of the Opera and Mamma Mia. The accessibility of the story coming to film rather than the limited season or expense of the stage has surely reached a wider audience with such wonderful tunes and performances. From a very young age, my parents were generous enough to take my sister and I to see the theatre productions of shows such as The Phantom of the Opera, Les Misérables (several times), Pirates of Penzance (several times and even buying the VHS), The Mikado and HMS Pinafore. They were somewhat silly in not explaining that each was an adaptation of the original story and so upon viewing of subsequent productions, I know I struggled and still do struggle, to not be critical and place my preference always with the one I saw first and grew up with. We also had a large splattering of Disney movies at our beck and call which are mostly done in a musical style and so music became quite important to telling stories and expressing emotions and feelings. At present I have pretty much all of the ticket stubs from my attendance at various musicals since I became an adult. These range from $200 tickets which were gifts from family and friends to $20 tickets by amateur productions. Now I am very passionate about my two favourite musicals, Les Misérables and The Phantom of the Opera to the point where I own almost every DVD production, CDs, have seen more than 3 different productions of each and even own some of the sheet music. I also own a Phantom pin/broach which I have had ever since I can remember. I consider this passion to be a firm tick on the geek side as the extreme excitement which I feel when I am able to attend a production and the frequency in which I listen to the music is surely not normal but it gets me through the work day and helps me to relax and feel better when I’m stressed J

When it comes to Sci-Fi and Fantasy, I feel they are somewhat on the same wavelength, although I’m definitely more of a sci-fi girl. During my school holidays when I was younger, I remember watching my dad’s box set of the original 6 Star Trek movies over and over. I always struggled with watching the first one as it seemed to drag its feet and was about as interesting as watching grass grow. This said I’d love to challenge myself to watch it again as an adult and see if I can follow everything properly and not get bored. My favourite was by far the 4^th movie where the crew go back in time to bring a pair of humpback whales to the future. Seems farfetched, but when a random log shaped space probe arrives and your society completely relies on the technology which is subsequently failing and it seems to only speak whale, what else are you to do? I mean when I was younger I didn’t even consider all of the changes they potentially made to the timeline by curing sick patients with medication that is hundreds of years more advanced than current medication or by creating a new type of aluminium that for its strength is much thinner and lighter than it should be...but who am I to argue? I’ll tell you who would argue…Sam Carter…always the voice of reason and lack of affecting the timeline. But it was a fun movie and had a happy ending J From TOS movies to Star Trek: Voyager episodes on Wednesday (later Tuesday) nights from 11pm, I felt pretty committed to my cause at being a lover of sci-fi/fantasy. Sometime during my STV love I did stumble across Stargate SG1. I’m not really sure when I saw my first episode, which as a loyal Stargate fan does dismay me to some extent, but I have vague recollections and have subsequently read articles about some of the differences between what was aired on TV and what was released on DVD. Needless to say, by the time Steve and I started dating, I was more than hooked on SG1 and gave him little choice but to follow suit (or else). This was followed by Stargate Atlantis and then 2 straight to DVD movies and they’re all mine! They are definitely amongst the most watched DVD’s in my house, which is also due to getting my friends hooked on Stargate and being the source by which they currently get their Stargate fix. In return I’ve recently embraced my previous nemesis Doctor Who (there was this whole longest running sci-fi TV show debacle) and of course followed Amanda Tapping to Sanctuary which I LOVE! However I have put a ban on the purchase of the DVD’s as I worry that at the end of the show…hopefully not for a very long time…they’ll bring out some epic box set like Stargate did and because I already own the seasons Steve won’t let me get the cool one too…so I’m learning patience and that following most of the cast, crew and special guests on twitter and facebook means I find out lots of cool stuff anyway! WOO!

My love of sci-fi/fantasy does not stop simply at digital mediums! When I was still in school I also collected many Star Trek novels and even remember receiving new ones when I went to hospital to have my appendix out. I have a few of the Stargate novels, although most are not usually stocked in Australia, limited addition Stargate encyclopaedias (for want of a better word) that are both fan and studio commissioned (limited edition), a replica zat gun (THANKS JESS), a limited edition Sam Carter coin (from my first ever convention just after we got married), I’ve read hours of fan fiction and even written some of my own, I used to troll the internet for pictures of my favourite characters from various episodes and I have hundreds of favourite youtube videos which I have collected to support what I’m now seeing may be an addiction...But it’s not my fault that all the music attached to the various videos I’ve seen on youtube now remind of the fanvids they’re attached to! I also love engaging with all sorts of different types of sci fi/fantasy media from mutants, to magic, to mythology, to anime, to futuristic, to completely green screen and to embracing anything and everything that catches the part of my imagination that dances around in the presence of sci-fi/fantasy. If I could, I would go to sleep listening to audio books of wonderful ‘far off places, daring sword fights, magic, a prince in disguise’ (guess the quote) or really anything that I’ve been gushing over above. I mean one of my alarm sounds is a recording of the locket tune from Sailor Moon!

The internet is of course my friend in that when it comes to all the stuff I like, I’ll go looking for all manner of information, whether it’s a bit of behind the scenes footage, the Wikipedia page or watching episodes online because I hate cliff hangers, don’t have pay TV or just don’t own the DVD’s yet. See I also love crime shows. I’ve never really watched The Bill, Inspector Rex or anything high brow like that but I’m a total Law and Order: SVU addict, love Criminal Minds, Law and Order: Criminal Intent, Monk, The Mentalist, Harry’s Law and some of the CSI stuff. There was a time when I even bought true crime books because I just found the intricacies of the stories completely encapsulating. I also discovered after going to England that the royal families are messed up! Their family history is as crazy as mock-turtle soup...which by the way is made from cows head...why do I know this, because I love cooking shows and particularly Heston Blumenthal and freakin everything he does! Anyway, back to the crazy royals...there is murder, intrigue, affairs, manipulation, rumours and all sorts of weird stuff just sitting there waiting to be read and when I can be bothered I find it freaking fascinating! I’ve always found history to be interesting, but mostly it was a love of the ancient world. It all seemed so glamorously intriguing and mysterious and superstitious and barbaric! But y’know what? I don’t mind a bit of modern history either if it’s done well. I mean what were they thinking when I was at school presenting history in such a boring way? I mean history plus sci-fi is also pretty darned amazing and most of my favourite episodes of Doctor Who and Sanctuary have been ones where they travel back in time. But yeah, who needs fantasy when real life is so whack-a-doodle?

Also, apparently there are sentient robots now…All I can imagine is Bicentennial Man and that had a sad ending!

But yeah, I’m passionate about stuff…I love getting introduced to new things that are sci-fi/fantasy and I love a good reminiscing over some favourites. One of my favourite ways to do this definitely quoting stuff…Oh man…Liz and I will quite often just morph into being the same person and just g for it…I don’t usually come across that many people who quote stuff like we do, but our brains just jump along the same wavelength…it’s great…Steve and Liz sometimes even have these competitions to see who can figure out where the quote or reference is from as Steve knows some better than Liz and vice versa.

So yeah, that is my homage to being a geek/nerd and being damn proud of it. I’d buy all those crazy T-shirts that make some witty reference to being a geek/nerd but then I’d get all self-conscious as soon as I’m out in the big bad scary world. So just between us friends…don’t tell anyone or nothing J

Steve asked for this...

So Steve has commented that I don’t seem to mention him in my blogs enough, so here is one devoted just to him. I’m not really feeling it as he’s kinda boring which is why I don’t talk about him much. *JOKES* I have been drafting this silly thing for months now…pretty much since my last entry, but I’ve just struggled to know what to say. I think part of my struggle was explained very well by Jess when she said that all the mushy stuff is kinda between just Steve and me. I mean it is certainly fun watching the discomfort of Steve’s brother Lachie, but he just gets uncomfortable about all forms of PDA’s or couple type discussion. So yeah, this is not meant to be mushy, but since Steve requested I blog about him, well I guess I shouldn’t just be mean to him or nothing…don’t want people to think I don’t actually like him or something. Although I have a feeling I’ll just start telling secrets about his love of Glee and that he likes to dance with our little ranga, Solomon!

 So Stephen Thomas Bell is my husband. He is 25 years old (26 in a few weeks and that makes him really old) and currently works as basically a site/project manager. He’s got it so tough with his work that they force him to take regular Rostered Days Off (RDO) and most of the time even if we leave home for work at the same time, he usually beats me back in the afternoons. Steve (as he likes to be called) is also brother to Lachlan and eldest (elder?) son of David and Angela. He has lots more family, but I can’t really be bothered to go building a family tree for you but I can say that one of his cousin’s is expecting their first child at the beginning of next year which will be the first great grandchild for gorgeous papa who is David’s dad. Steve and I would consider ourselves to be parents of two very needy and adorable cats…oh gosh my babies are cats now…and as I mentioned before, Steve likes to dance with Solomon. I’m not really sure why. Solomon is not a cuddly cat. He doesn’t mind lying down next to people and will occasionally lay down on you but generally he’s a distant kind of soul who prefers to watch what is going on. Personally I think Steve dances with him because he a bit littler (shorter) than Sebastian and slightly tubby! That and he actually doesn’t struggle when they dance…I think maybe Solomon likes it too J Steve also regularly calls them by the wrong names even though he’s a massive cat lady too and get excited when they cats lay on either side of him on the couch (his guard kitties).

Anyway…enough cat stuff….Hmmm…Steve…what else is there to say about him…he likes video games, Dr Who, Stargate, Modern Family, The Simpsons, Dexter, Biggest Loser, Master Chef…you get the idea…he a nerdy geek-boy-man-child who does our washing and ironing/folding, likes to buy an abundance of spices and thoroughly enjoys pretending to not have a social conscience because my uni training demands I MUST! He also plays touch football each Monday night, enjoys following most of the major Australian and International sport and is generally quite sporty for a nerd. When I’m not at home on the weekend or at night, he often fails to feed himself properly resorting to either nothing or instant noodles beside the fact that he actually cooks really well when he tries. Sometimes he can get a bit ambitious, but the only time I’ve not been able to eat anything he’s cooked was because the cheese we used on the bolognese was mouldy…but I picked it off and ate it with a brave face. Luckily for Steve I am a massive feeder. I truly feel that lack of descent/adequate food can affect people’s emotions and ability to think properly, so I naturally think about meals and meal planning and making sure we have food to eat and that the boy does not starve.

Steve’s love of ‘reality tv shows’ such as Masterchef, Biggest Loser and So You Think You Can Dance (in the past) is mostly based in mocking and reading witty internet commentary while watching to indulge the cynic within. To explain this a bit better…My dad thinks that Steve doesn’t like him…as does Steve’s step grandmother because Steve is an introvert. He gets uncomfortable in big group situations and often needs time to himself (not really socialising) to build up his tolerance again before he can get back into engaging with people. This also means he’s not that comfortable with strangers and small talk and will generally answer direct questions but not really offer much to conversations that are happening around him unless he’s comfortable. Even as someone who has the ability to talk under water with marbles in my mouth (as with most of the women in my family), I really value the quiet times we can have just sitting together but not feeling like we constantly have to talk. So Steve and I often watch these shows together and will poke fun at the drama or the way the producers have done the editing of the show to try and manipulate the audience into becoming anxious and worried that the favourites will be going home. If we miss an episode, Steve and I will sometimes even lay in bed watching the episode online before going to sleep. Now Liz is currently living with us and Steve has become comfortable enough around her that if he’s watching an episode of Masterchef for example and I’m not around, he’ll do his complaining or witty commentary to her.

I should also mention that Steve’s favourite kind of joke is puns. He loves a good pun. He can sit for days remembering a good pun and giggle at random intervals while he remembers the moment. As I rarely find his puns funny, when I come across a good one I try and make sure he gets credit…this is usually in the form of a high five or actual laughter as opposed to a roll of the eyes or smothered smirk. This is a similar humour he shares with Angela’s dad George and so the two get on quite well and often give each other cards with silly jokes on them that only the two of them would appreciate. This also means that on his mum’s side, Steve’s family gatherings are often a cacophony of bad jokes (usually about various professions or things that are gross) and worse puns, but everyone laughs so it’s ok.

I guess I’ll wrap this up with some warm fuzzies and try not to make it too mushy…Steve is my best friend. There is pretty much nothing in the world that I can imagine not telling him. There are certainly plenty of things he doesn’t know about me, particularly from my teenage years, but I also feel I was a very different person then and I don’t like dwelling on a lot of it so it doesn’t come up. He’s someone who I can confide in when I’m afraid, feeling inadequate or am frustrated. He supports my studies and the time it takes away from our weekends and me helping with the cleaning and mess it usually creates. While he sometimes has difficulty making decisions (particularly when put on the spot) he really doesn’t realise how much I rely on him for some of the simplest decisions. His opinions and advice are so precious to me that even with my confident façade I know that I can show him vulnerabilities and he never fails to make me feel better (eventually J). I wouldn’t trade him for any other husband because to me he’s exactly who and what I need. I will miss him so completely when he has to work away from home for several days at a time in the coming months.

Hopefully this entry has shown enough love, playfulness, teasing and love to my wonderful husband!

Fight for my insanity

This blog feels a long time coming. Only last week I was having trouble sleeping, because my brain was trying to blog while my body was trying to sleep. I couldn’t stop myself from ranting in my sleep which was not conducive to sleep. So what was it that was keeping me from rest? It might be easier to mention what wasn’t keeping me from sleep, but I will endeavour to enlighten you. And by you, I’m fairly certain I’m blogging to Jess, Steve and possibly Tim…So here we go kids…off to crazy town!

So it all pretty much started with getting sick on the smelly Virgin Blue flight over the Perth. Now hopefully they won’t sue me for defamation, but the last time I flew to Perth it was on QANTAS so my research seems untainted. Perth was great! As it was the first time! Got to hang out with Jess and Tim and well Liz was there and things seemed fine til the last day when she went a little mental and defensive at me, but hey watevs and we held hands and were friends again in Sydney. We’re pretty great like that. I mean we have very different ideas and ways of going about pretty much everything, but we rock.

So, getting back on track, I was sick. I had one week of freedom left before going back to uni and I spent it at home sick. I had meant to go along to O-week, purely for the free stuff and to hopefully meet up with my friends but it just didn’t happen. Now while this sounds bad, I spent most of my days sleeping and watchin cool tv shows online. I got to catch up on a bunch of stuff I hadn’t had time to watch, check out some new stuff I wasn’t sure I’d like and what better way to do it than without ads! A lot of this information is in my previous blog, but what it doesn’t mention is the fact that while I’m ‘well’, I still have almost constant sinus and ear pain and it may or may not be linked to my wisdom teeth as they hurt to poke and my jaw hurts to open. This makes all forms of concentration and sleeping to be generally hit and miss. Even the pain killers don’t do much for the pain, they just make me sleepy! Anyway, it’s all context to the greater fight for my insanity!

So uni starts and the first week is all, this is what we’re doing next semester and this is how this semester 1 should tie in and this class isn’t on this week so go home early. There was even one day there where the timetable said the class was on, but it wasn’t, so a 9-12 day became a 10am finish. That whole 2 hours was bitchin! Now it is week 4 and I have handed in (online submitted as you do nowdays) one assignment, have run 1 class participation activity and am working towards my second assignment which is due on Monday. Of course I have just started it today, but depending on who you talk to that is either pretty standard, or really organised! The assignments don’t seem too awful and there is only one proper group work assignment and as yet we have not been placed into groups so there is hope for us yet. I sort of know who I’d like to work with, but whether there will be any choosing is another matter. So that is a rant for another day.

Now you might be saying to yourself, uni doesn’t seem like it’s too bad, what is with all the ranting and stressing? Here is the skinny. In my first class for week 2 we had these readings to do and some videos to watch. This was fine. Me being the diligent student I am got my readers (x2) and text books (x3) in the first week so I’d be up to date and I watched the videos at home. One of them was great. It was only 4mins long and had a lot of really interesting stuff to say. Go BBC! Considering those 4 minutes included a visually stimulating presentation by an old guy with a pretty cool accent and incorporated upwards of 100,000 stats, it was great. Even the fact that it was my 3^rd time seeing it wasn’t too horrible. Then there was this second video which was a guy reading a submission he and a lecturer from my uni had done at the International Federation of Social Workers about poverty. It has some great points in it, even if it was pretty much a summary of one of the readings. I watched it at home, even started again part way through when I realised I should take notes and I did. I took wonderful notes! However, when I got to that week 2 class and the second half of the 2hr lecture, in the stuffy room with no ventilation, with uncomfortable seats, was this video lecture thing of a guy reading from his paper while dot points flashed beside him, I was less than impressed. Now I could have got up and left. But I cringe and judge when I see other people do it, so I tend not to myself. If I’m going to skip class, I’m more likely to not show up at all! So I sat through it for the 2.5^th time and played with something on my lap top.

The next thing to bug me is the weather. Not in general, just at uni. I mean why can’t it stay consistent for one whole day? Why is it that when Sunrise tells me that it’s going to be raining and 21 in the city, can’t the Camperdown campus just play along? Don’t get me wrong, I hate it when it rains at uni. Not only do I have to pack an umbrella in my already over-packed bag, but my shoes are usually not puddle-proof, my clothes get uncomfortable when wet, especially with my heavy bag rubbing everywhere it touches and it’s usually not as cold as the tv tells me, so it ends up feeling humid too! If I was at home with my kittens, no matter what the weather was like, I’d be frolicking like crazy and I’d enjoy all these things because I could sit there with some delicious (maybe alcoholic) beverage and be happy. But when I’m at uni, the weather is the suck! I either dress for the coolness of the morning and end up lugging around a cardigan and feeling sweaty and gross, or I’m shivering in a tutorial room that is set to arctic or I’m wet and frustrated and would rather be at home. I mean who made a degree where you pretty much have to do face to face classes anyway! You’d think it was going to be part of the job or something.

Now it seems kind of petty to be so annoyed by the weather, but it really affects me. As do arrogant, pushy, insensitive people who never seem to be finished saying whatever it is they feel like say, in every single lecture and tutorial! If only the lottery was as consistent as these rather odd abrasive people, there’d be no poverty! Yep, you heard it here first. To solve poverty, get rid of all the douche bags! Then there is the people, not just those in my course, but also the ones who are constantly handing out flyers, or bugging me when I’m sitting chatting with my friends, or are blocking my way on the footpath. Now I can’t go on about that, but SERIOUSLY PEOPLE! LEARN TO WALK!!!! Then there’s the fact that I get home from uni, exhausted both mentally and physically and all I want to do is sleep, but I will clean the kitchen so I can justify watching something on tv. I also have to clean it so I can actually cook dinner, but then it gets messy again. What is with that? I say we need some replicator technology (Star Trek not Stargate for those playing at home) and do away with mess and washing up and just go synthetic.

Then there is the fact that we seem to be out most nights of the week and busy all weekend. Like from today, I’m visiting friends this afternoon and staying for dinner so no studying. Tomorrow I have work, so I may squeeze in some study, but I’m going to the gym at lunch time and I should be doing work during work time, as nice as it would be to get paid for study. Tomorrow night is free, but given how tired I am, likely to be unproductive. Saturday I have to vote, then we’re visiting a friend of Steve’s for most of the day and if I haven’t already (on Friday night) I need to bake for Sunday as I offered to for Mel and Alistair’s engagement party. So small chances of study, plus if we do earth hour, I’m sure that using my laptop on battery is cheating. Sunday is church in the morning, break for lunch, but Liz is back from Europe so she will be my focus, then engagement party from 2 and then hockey umpiring from 4:30. In there somewhere may be lunch or dinner with Liz as a welcome home kinda thing. My one blessing is that class doesn’t start until 12 on Monday and my assignment can be submitted online until 5pm.

On top of all of these many and wondrous things, is the fact that as of 2 weeks ago today, the generations in my family became one less. My great grandmother, Vera Janet Elsie O’Donnell passed away at the age of 89. She was a fire cracker until she got dementia and Alzheimer’s disease and then she started to forget and she got angry. The last time I saw her was in 2006 but I have nice memories. So last week was her funeral on the Gold Coast. It was to be on a Wednesday (uni day) but my parents were flying up Tuesday night so they could meet up with a friend they’d seen at Tangalooma a few months earlier. I was encouraged by mum and Steve to go up with them so I didn’t have any transport issues, so I did. I caught the train to work, didn’t take a lunch break and got picked up by the ‘rents at 3:30. That is when the crap started, but I’ll come back to this part of the story. The funeral was held on Wednesday at 12:30 and most of my side of the family was there (my mum’s dad’s side – he has 2 siblings). None of the partners of the great grandchildren could make it and only one great great grandchild was there. She is 5 months old. But there we were…5 generations in the one room. Living all over the east coast of Australia and coming together to celebrate and mourn the life of my Nan. The funeral was a very sad time. The afternoon tea wake was nice. Someone had brought my Nans photo album and it was so nice to see the memories she held dear. Going to the rsl afterwards with just my immediate cousins, aunts, uncles, my grandma and pop and his sister was great. With the family together in a way that only happens during great happiness and tragedy. We had a few hours to spend there before heading back to Sydney. I walked in the door at 10pm and went straight to sleep.

Now this whole experience was quite tiresome for me. Emotionally I was struggling with my grief and loss. This is to be expected. What I didn’t expect was that almost none of my close friends (whom I go to church with and who would have received an email from my mum asking for prayer), said much of anything to me. Now I can understand that death is something people aren’t really comfortable about, but it’s not like by saying something they’re likely to make me feel sad. I’m already sad and all I was is some comforting words from people who are supposed to care. I had one email, which I responded to but had no further contact, an sms which turned into a phone call which is now girl time and dinner, an sms which ended in “At least you knew her” and an “I’m sorry to hear about your nan, but at least you knew her.” Steve put an ambiguous post on facebook, “Is praying for Sarah,” but only one person contacted me directly and one mentioned that they knew what he was talking about (I should add here that we then saw this person last weekend in Armidale and they were lovely about it, but they live in Armidale and were capable of saying something!). Now I should also mention that including the Armidale comments, half the people who bothered to say ANYTHING to me don’t even live in Sydney! One from QLD (Fiona, who messaged me) and one from WA (you know who you are). This is not conducive to mental stability! Oh and the real icing on the cake is that Stef, my wonderful new friend from uni, messaged me on the day wishing everything would go well. I’ve known him for 4 weeks!

Friends aside, this time in Queensland also meant some rather close time with my dad. This man is an arrogant, selfish, aggressive, rude, nasty, embarrassing, disgusting, outburst prone, did I mention arrogant, person who has no respect for other people, whose entire world revolves around him, who is obsessed with controlling everyone around him, who treats other people like they don’t matter and are not good enough, who pushed one daughter so far away she doesn’t want him to walk her down the isle and is so close to pushing the other one away for good, because she feels like he is toxic to both her sanity and her desire to live as a Christian. Now to some, it might not be obvious as to why being a Christian has anything to do with it and should I be forgiving him etc etc but the truth is it’s not about forgiveness. Since being married I have had 3 large fights/disagreements with him due to behaviour I perceived as being out of line or inappropriate. So far we have sat down and had 2 big chats to try and resolve things. Generally it has revolved around hockey stuff and the way he speaks to players like they are inferior and stupid (so this year he’s quit) but I have also tried to bring closure on other things which I have usually turned a blind eye to and held my tongue. The problem is, I come to him and try and work things out. He sits and lets me talk, sometimes making excuses or saying he doesn’t remember such and such an incident, but he never says anything about changing, or that he’s wrong or that he’s sorry he’s hurt my feelings or embarrassed me, because the whole world revolves around him and he’s fine with being a grumpy, fat old jerk. Now that I’ve had my judgemental rant, I can explain the Christian thing. When I became a Christian, when I put my faith and my life in the hands of something greater than myself, I changed. I stopped swearing (although it was and still can be a struggle), my demeanour changed, my priorities changed and I feel like I became a better person in that I am happier and I feel like I am better to my friends. So spending even 24hrs with a toxic and poisonous person like my dad is draining and doesn’t feel worth it. Even when he doesn’t ‘wrong’ me, he does so in a way that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and makes me wish I was anywhere but there. I can’t keep turning a blind eye to his behaviour as that also wouldn’t be the Christian thing to do, but how can I confront him without wanting to slap him silly and just make him change. He has to want to change and if he doesn’t, what do I do? I can keep ignoring him, but that will put more strain on him and mum, but even then, he’s horrible to her and treats her like crap, so it’s a struggle to care, except to know that he can sometimes make her happy.

Well I shall leave my conundrum there. Under this cool and calm exterior is someone who is struggling to know what to do. I wish the answer was run away to Perth, but even then Jess and Tim will be back in Sydney eventually and Perth won’t be as great then. How do I tell my friends that they’re so self-involved that they couldn’t even offer one word of comfort when I needed it most? How do I finish my degree when every day is a struggle, both physically, mentally and psychologically!

Thanks for reading and well done for getting through it. I think this is the second longest piece of writing I’ve ever done. The longest being an SG1 fanfiction. Sam and Jack forever!

Also, dorks rule J

Love Hate Relationship

I'm sure it is the same for many students, but I'm finding a rather volatile love/hate relationship with university. It is always hard to get back into studying after a break. Even a week off can stuff up the zone I feel myself in after even just a few weeks of grueling lectures, tutorials and assignments. So this week has been my first of 3rd year social work. Mostly it has seemed a bit of a waste of time as the timetable I was given was wrong, the rooms I'm in are of course not sufficiently sized to actually fit the number of students who are supposed to attend and the few lectures/tutorials I did have this week were generally waffling on about Field Education 1 (also known as prac in second semester) or what is to come in semester 1 and 'try not to panic about the workload' being repeated.

As a week at uni goes, starting at midday on Monday was pretty awesome even with 2x 2hrs of class with a 1hr break, Wednesday I'm supposed to have a 3hr tutorial which was replaced with a 1.5hr library class. This meant that my normal 2hr break turned into a 3.5hr break! Initially I had many noble ideas about setting up the free uni internet access on my laptop, purchasing my textbooks, picking up my readers and even doing some of my readings...instead I went and saw a movie! I was sitting in Manning doing the stupid internet things which was slow and painful and seemingly not worth it...but then, my friend Marissa, who possibly wasn't feeling quite so motivated, made a joke about seeing a movie. Now it just so happens that there is a Hoyts at Broadway shopping centre and there was a few sessions starting at 11:30 which gave us 10mins to get there for the start of the previews. Free uni internet, you were totally worth it! We did hoof it over there only to sit sweating through a further 15mins of previews and ads, but with 30mins to get back for a 2hr class made the day much more bearable. Thursday's are only 3hrs at uni normally, with a lecture first thing followed by a 2hr tutorial. Initially the timetable said no lecture and a tutorial, but it turns out I had a 1hr lecture and got to go home.

Overall you'd probably say that was a pretty good week...a few other highlights include seeing what I can only assume would be pure arts student...slightly baggy overalls and a clean paintbrush holding up her hair. It made me smile at the wonderful uniqueness and freedom of expression at uni. This was unfortunately ruined by being told that to gt access to free uni internet I had to pay a $0.02 fine on my account. Now apparently this account is related to computer access where you get 6MB free per day on computers outside the libraries. This account also controls your ability to print from these computers. How on earth I can incur a $0.02 fine with no money in there to start with baffled even the IT nerd. To pay this fine, had to be done by credit card, either online or at the IT centre with a minimum of $10 needing to be paid. Now I find myself lacking in confidence when the guy who is supposed to be explaining the issue to me also seems baffled but I paid my $10, which of course became $9.98. Completely ruined my morning...grrrr

This week I also made a new friend. His name is Stefan (Stef) and he did a communications degree at UTS and has transferred to the degree all brand new this year. He walked up to one of my other friends on Monday and said "Hi. This is my first day and I noticed you in the lecture. Want to be friends?" Not a shy kind of guy, but used to not having classes with many of the same people from his old course. Turns out he and I have a tutorial together and then sat together in our lecture yesterday. He thinks my husband is cute (as per one of our wedding photos that is my desktop background), we walked to Central station madly chatting away and I think I've made a new friend...a new gay friend. He seems lovely and I am just glad that uni is not the cold lonely place it was for the first few weeks of 1st semester last year as I do not have the courage to just walk up to people like Stef did.

I'm certain the hate rating of uni will go up with the large number of group activities to come, plus a video 'interview' and then report on our video and not to mention several in class mini exams and a few nasty looking essays. But such is life and I should be thankful for my extended and privileged education. I am also thankful for weekends, no assignments yet and celebrating friends babies this weekend. Happy days :)

Firsts and ramblings

So today was my first day back at uni...yep...I'm a3rd year Social Work student and 3/4 of the remaining 2 years is prac which I feel may mean it'll go by super fast! Of course there are the impending assignments to survive for this semester alone and then all the extra work (regular reports and end of placement folder) that comes with prac. Some people might encourage a less stressful approach to a years worth of study which also involves a minimum of 2 baby showers, 2 weddings (more like 4), a trip to New Zealand, a trip to Perth and a PY Winter Camp. Now over the course of 365 days this may look pretty standard, but I've already been to Perth once and everything but 1 of the weddings (which I don't know a date for yet) is in the first half of the year before I even get to 2nd semester! So 1st semester consists of all these things plus bible study and various hockey commitments. Therefore I will say in advanced...particularly to my wonderful husband Steve...I am sorry if my fuse shortens or if I get sick like I did at the end of semester 2 last year because I was doing too much.

So going to Perth was not a first for me, but it was for Liz! So last year I also went to Perth and that was my first time there. It was great as I got to surprise Jess for her birthday. We had a great long weekend and I discovered how much I love Perth. I'd totally retire there as stuff opens late, closes early and seems relatively easy to get around if you have a car and a map. Anyway, so on Liz's first time to Perth I had a mixture of firsts (using Perth public transport, eating at Nandos, driving Tim's car, enjoying a Panchos Fishbowl challenge, eating at Dome, watching Jess make her first and possibly only clothing purchase at Forever New and trying on my bridesmaid dress) and seconds (eating at Panchos, driving Tim's car, eating at Nandos, enjoying a second Panchos Fishbowl challenge, seeing the reception place, going to the Margaret River chocolate shop and going to the dog beach in Fremantle and swimming in the Atlantic ocean). It was generally pretty great, as most things seem to be when they involve Jess and by most things I mean all things!

Anyway...so other firsts include a bunch of shows I watched online recently...being sick has it's advantages in terms of catching up on tv shows and also checking out some shows which I wasn't convinced was worth my time. So really the only new shows I watched were Blue Bloods and Hawaii 5-0. Now I quite enjoyed Blue Bloods. At first I thought it was just another cop show, but with all the family drama, cop stuff and regular Sunday dinners with 4 generations it has an interesting appeal. But here is where I get on my high horse about Hawaii 5-0. As a show, it is pretty fun although it makes me not want to go to Hawaii with all the drug/people smuggling, violent kidnapping and lots of blood. So imagine a dark house, with ninja-type guys with guns sneaking in, snatching one person from their bed and shooting another while they sleep when suddenly this starts playing. It's incongruence leaves me feeling thoroughly confused and out of sync with what has just happened. Now my continued viewing of this show will be mostly dependent on my spare time after doing my homework and junk, but mostly I enjoyed the show...so why do I feel like I'll hate myself everytime that stupid theme song plays?

So I had meant to blog over a month ago, after I went to the zoo. While it wasn't a first, the last time I went I was in a cam-walker boot and had to be pushed around that crazy hilly place by my mum and sister. It was pretty rough on them, but I would get put at the front of the crowds and just had to sit there. This time I carried my own weight around and even got my mum to walk through the reptile area with relatively no fuss. As usual mum was keen to go to the Chimpanzee area, which is usually a large enclosure but which is currently being refurbished. So we found this smallish glass enclosure with few visible monkeys initially. Slowly more of them came out into the open and there was a bit of playing done which was cute. BUT just as we were leaving that area, we noticed one of the large males perched on the edge of a raised area going to the toilet. Not just going to the toilet, but catching it and eating it. Thankfully the elephants were much less gross and several times cuter than the monkeys. Did you know there are 3 baby elephants? Mr Shuffles (the youngest of the 3) didn't do much but stay close to his parents, but the other 2 were quite happy to show off in the water and with the hanging tyres. It was great. Speaking of Zoos, the next time I go to the zoo will hopefully be to Dubbo's Western Plains Zoo where it is all open and junk.

Well it's getting close to bedtime and many times while writing this I have had my groove interrupted (Steve was being needy...so horrible that he likes my attention...NOT) so I might as well finish. Even now I am being asked to divert my attention to looking at Steve and Sebastian (the oldest of my two beautiful kitties) cuddling.

Good night and sweet dreams xoxo

To Blog or Not to Blog....

It's funny how when other people start blogging, the craze and desire can reignite. Who knows how long this will last, but it feels nice to have a space that is my own to do with what I please, even if my knowledge of the intricacies of what is possible are severely limited to noob status. I feel I can only be satisfied that my grandmother doesn't have a higher sufficiency at blogging than me...however when it comes to sms she has insane shorthand that is more like some forgotten ancient text.

This post shall not go on much further as I'm using the horrid Mac of my darling husband. As much as he may love it, I still prefer my windows-based laptop which has been on holidays at the repair shop for over a month...almost 2. Now don't get me wrong, I can see the wonders of a Mac and the beautiful way they are designed...but I'm using one that made out with some soft drink so a number of the buttons don't work. My touch-typing is also not working so I have to keep making corrections.

Anyway, maybe I'll come back here soon...or maybe this will go by the wayside as my former blog and space did.

This I will say...Thanks to Jess for the inspiration...this has been fun!